


The End, or Ethan is a self-sacrificial idiot for once in his life

by RangerLexi



Series: canon Ethan things (snonk) [2]
Category: snonk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerLexi/pseuds/RangerLexi
Summary: Ghosted Ethan watches the fallout of his death.
Series: canon Ethan things (snonk) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978162
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> so like, I'm so sorry to any random person who comes across this, this is a fanfiction for a roleplay I'm a part of (we also made a tumblr here: https://snonk.tumblr.com/) 
> 
> also there is a fair amount of swearing because a lot of it was taken directly from the roleplay

Kirstyn.

Gods, she was different. He’d actually never seen her hair down, so that was weird, and her outfit was entirely different than the one he’d last seen her in, but more to the point, something was different in her expression. Ethan couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Of course, there was also the fact that she was apparently now with Felix’s abusive dad, a man most creatively referred to as “bad fire man,” Moran. A man who could do fire magic. _Why are all the bad guys magic?_

Moran looked at Kirstyn. “My dear. they seem unsure of your convictions, although I know they are firm. Why don't you prove your loyalty to me?” His gaze swept over the group, coming to rest on Felix, and Emory who was currently holding them up.

He wouldn’t ask Kirstyn to kill for him. No, no, not even he could be that merciless.

Well, maybe he could, but _Kirstyn_ wouldn’t do it. 

She wouldn’t, right?

“Kill that one,” Moran ordered, pointing at Emory.

“Wait, what?” Emory said.

Asra yelled, “What the fuck?!”

Crystar, kneeling beside stupid fucking Olivine who fell out of a fucking tree, looked up, horrified. “No, don’t!”

She wouldn’t be able to help Emory if Kirstyn somehow went through with it. Which she _wouldn’t._

But the way she cocked her head and surveyed Emory certainly didn’t reassure him.

“You are just such a world-class asshole, Moran,” Emory told him.

Moran just smiled.

Emory tightened his grip on Felix for just a moment, then stepped away. Without his support, they collapsed to the ground. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”

“I-I need to help Felix,” Crystar whispered, crawling closer to them.

“Yeah. Do that.” Emory didn’t even look at her, just staring Kirstyn in the eyes. He had to know that Crystar couldn’t heal Felix and still be able to save him.

The only thing Ethan could focus on was the heartbeat ringing in his ears. 

_Thud, thud, thud._

This couldn’t be happening, no way could this really be happening. Kirstyn _wasn’t_ a killer. And she _couldn’t_ kill Emory. 

_Thud._

Without Emory… what would they even do without Emory? What would Felix do without Emory? Moran had to know that; gods, he really was a terrible parent.

_Thud._

Kirstyn bit her lip and dropped into a fighting stance.

_Thud._

Her hand began to smoke.

_Thud._

Stupid, dumb, idiotic Emory didn’t even move.

_Thud._

Ethan did.

_Thud._

In slow motion, Kirstyn shot her fire at Emory. But it wasn’t Emory who took it.

  
  


Ethan waited for the next heartbeat to come. 

  
  


It never did.

  
  


A few people were yelling. Why were people yelling? He was fine, nothing happened. He opened his eyes to see Kirstyn, staring at something behind him with shock. He turned around to look. There, on the ground, was… his body… 

His breathing quickened, except that it didn’t. Nothing was coming out of his lungs, he was just going through the motions. 

“What the fuck,” he whispered. No one even looked his way. Emory was checking his body for a pulse, Crystar and Asra were staring in horror at the body and Moran respectively, and Moran, the _asshole_ , was fucking chuckling.

“Well that’s certainly something,” he said. 

Kirstyn took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

Moran gave her a look of appreciation. “Well done.”

“Do you want me to kill Emory too, or was that enough loyalty for you?” The line was delivered with complete calm. Not resentment, not even a quiver to indicate that she cared that she had just…

That she had… 

No, no, no, but he was still here! He waved his hand in front of her face. “Kirstyn! Snap out of it!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he screamed. She didn’t even flinch.

When he punched her, his hand went through.

He stared at it for a moment, vaguely aware of Emory and Moran trading threats, of Crystar yelling, “How could you?!”

“He taught me how to harness my powers instead of being afraid, which is all Ethan ever told me. I owe him,” Kirstyn replied.

Ethan’s hands started shaking.

Asra lunged at Kirstyn, but with a wave of Moran’s hand, a wall of flames erupted between them. Ethan was standing right in the middle of it, and didn’t feel a thing. Asra screamed and fell back, and when the fire died down, Moran and Kirstyn were gone.

Gods. Did… did she even regret it?

The rest of the group was in shock. Crystar teared up as she looked at his body. Moments later, Jamie stumbled into the clearing, followed by another person Ethan didn’t recognize.

_Oh gods._

Crystar began to sob and Emory came to her side.

“Where’s--where is he?” Jamie said, sounding drunk. Of fucking course he’d be drunk. Everyone ignored the question.

Emory hugged Crystar. “Hey, shh, it’s gonna be okay, we’ve got you.”

Tears still coming down her face, she turned to Felix, who was still unconscious, and began to heal them.

Absently Ethan realized that Felix didn’t even know he was dead yet. The realization that that was the first time he’d acknowledged he was dead was even more disconnected.

The person who had followed Jamie into the clearing asked, “What happened? Also, who are you guys?”

“I should have been faster. I should have killed him.” Asra laughed shakily. “I think that was the first time I've ever really wanted to kill a person.”

“No,” Emory told her. “That wouldn’t have done any good.”

Crystar finished healing Felix and fell to the ground herself. They stirred a little bit.

“Where is he?” Jamie asked again.

“Answer him!” Ethan yelled. “Gods, Emory, tell Jamie!”

But it was Asra who pointed at the body. “I’m sorry, Jamie, I’m so sorry.”

Jamie fell to his knees, unnaturally still.

Felix sat up and looked around at the scene.

“You missed… that,” Emory told them. “I take back my previous words. Let’s go kill Moran.”

Felix flinched. “Moran--Moran did this?”

“I never said goodbye,” Jamie whispered, and Ethan’s heart stopped. Or it would have, if it was even beating in the first place. _Oh gods, the last time I saw him I fucking told him--fuck. Fuck, Jamie, I’m so sorry._

“He has a new protege,” Emory told Felix. “Kirstyn.”

“Oh,” they breathed.

Jamie was still staring at his body. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, you’re not allowed to be sorry,” Ethan said, tears and panic rising, as Asra said, “What do you have to be sorry for, Jamie?”

When he didn’t respond, Asra touched her singed wings and went over to Olivine, who was still unconscious, and hugged her. “Stupid princess,” she murmured.

“I never…” Tears started falling down Jamie’s cheeks. “He’s… he’s… gone.”

“Shut up!! I’m right fucking here!! Someone fucking notice me _please!_ ” Ethan yelled.

“Frick this.” Emory slammed a fist into the ground, and Felix jumped.

After a few moments of silence, Felix got up and put their hand on Jamie’s shoulder.

“What do you want.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said simply.

Jamie looked at them. “Sorry doesn’t fix everything.” 

Ethan dropped to his knees, wanting to cry but no tears came out.

“Sorry doesn’t fix anything,” Felix said.

“We all just lost a friend, Jamie,” Asra added. “We’re all sad.”

“Oh my gods, how the fuck are you all mourning me?! Since when did _any_ of you consider yourselves my friend?!”

Xe climbed to xyr feet, rage burning in xyr eyes.

“Jamie, Ethan wouldn’t want whatever this is,” Felix said.

“No I don’t, Jamie, _listen_ to them!”

“You don't know anything about me. You don't know how much I-”

“Loved him?”

With pure, murderous rage in his eyes, Jamie said, “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” 

“Obviously there's nothing we can say that's going to make this any better. I am very, very sorry, for what it's worth. if you don't want to travel with us anymore…” Emory began, but he was interrupted by Jamie punching Felix in the face.

“Jamie don’t,” Ethan said, as Emory, in shock, yelled, “WELL NO.”

“God, every _fucking time._ ” Felix grabbed their face.

“Why is everyone always punching Felix!” Emory shouted.

“ _You can’t fix this!_ ” Jamie yelled. “No one can fucking fix this!”

Felix, with their hand holding their bloody nose, said, “No one’s trying to fucking fix this, man.”

“None of this can be fixed!! And it’s all my fucking fault!”

“How is it your fault?!” Asra exclaimed.

“No, no it’s not, Ethan died to--” Emory paused. “Shit.”

“Oh gods, Emory.” Ethan buried his head in his hands, still on his knees. At least he could still feel his hands on his face, even if he couldn’t touch anything else. “This was supposed to _stop_ this from happening.”

“I… I left him,” Jamie said, not seeming to notice Emory’s realization. “If I was there…”

“Then you probably would have died too, and that would have only made things worse,” Emory said, regaining a bit of his composure.

“Better me than him,” Jamie muttered.

“Fuck no,” Ethan said.

“Please. This was m-Moran’s fault, and no one else’s,” Felix said.

“...yes,” Emory agreed, after a moment’s hesitation.

“ _Yes_ ,” Ethan emphasized.

“I’m such a fucking idiot, the world would be better off without me, but he… he didn’t deserve this.”

Ethan laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Jamie, what the fuck?”

“Stop, stop,” Asra said, shaking her head.

“Hey, no, you’re not an idiot,” Emory told him. “You’re the only one here that makes any of us smile these days.”

“He hated me. I can’t fucking believe I said…”

“ _This is not your fault._ Nothing you could have said would have changed what just happened.” Emory took a deep breath.

“ _But maybe I could’ve been there!”_ Jamie had tears in his eyes. “Instead I was off getting drunk, gods, I’m such a piece of shit.”

“Stop!” Asra yelled. “It’s Moran’s fault, stop.”

“Listen to her, Jamie,” Ethan begged.

Felix stepped up to Jamie. “As a person who has blamed myself and others for a shit ton of things I couldn't control, you should know that this is only going to hurt yourself and people around you.”

A little ways away, Crystar, still collapsed on the ground, began to glow--or maybe Ethan just hadn’t noticed it before.

Jamie was crying unapologetically now. “How come none of you stopped it?! I wasn’t here, but _you were._ ”

“Because they didn’t fucking know it was happening.” Ethan ran his hands through his hair. _Gods, Jamie, I don’t deserve this._

Asra and Emory both spoke over Ethan but he didn’t catch either of their words. Asra turned and walked away.

“I HATE ALL OF YOU. I HATE MYSELF. WE LET HIM DIE.”

“I FUCKING CHOSE THIS!” Ethan screamed. He covered his ears and tried to block out the yelling.

_Gods, Ethan, could you have fucked up worse?_

_You broke Jamie._

_Now they’re all yelling at each other._

_Even in fucking death, you’re still messing up the group._

There was a break in the conversation and Ethan looked up.

“Tell me, what _exactly_ happened?” Jamie said, deadly calm.

“I-I don’t know,” Felix said, looking at the ground. “I fucking passed out.”

“Why him? Why the _fuck_ would they target… him?”

“I don't know.” Felix gave a short laugh. “Don't ask me to analyze how Moran's fucking twisted mind works. He wiped my mind and my sister's. He's a psychopath.”

They both looked at Emory, the only one who was there and conscious for the interaction. Ethan winced, waiting for Emory’s difficult explanation.

Face drawn, Emory said, “Kirstyn learned fire magic from Moran. Moran told Kirstyn to... to kill me. Because of Felix. And Ethan stepped between us.”

“Holy fuck,” Felix muttered. Jamie just stared at Emory in silence for an agonizingly long moment.

Finally, xe spoke. “You should have died.” 

“ _No_.” Ethan stood up.

“I am aware,” Emory replied, voice flat.

“ _Fuck no.”_

Felix, shaking, apparently agreed. “Fuck. No. Fuck. What? Emory, stop.”

“You should have died, not Ethan,” Jamie said, fury in xyr voice.

In a turn of events that seemed to happen more and more once Felix had lost their memory, Felix and Ethan were in complete agreement. Felix stepped in between the two and shoved Jamie away from Emory. “Shut your mouth.” 

“Get the fuck off me,” Jamie swore.

“Calm the hell down then,” Felix replied.

Emory put a hand on their shoulder. “Felix, move.”

Jamie looked past them at Emory. “You should be dead.”

“You’ve mentioned.”

“Jamie, stop it,” Ethan whispered.

Xyr breathing became quicker. “It’s your fault. It’s your fault.”

Emory flinched.

“Stop. Stop.” Felix’s voice was shaking.

Jamie got uncomfortably close to Emory. “I should kill you right now.”

“Come at me, if it’s going to make you feel better.”

Ethan dropped to his knees again. Gods, Emory blamed himself, that wasn’t the goddamn plan.

“Please. Stop. Both of you.” Felix was almost hyperventilating.

Jamie laughed with an utter lack of humor. “Felix would kill me if I laid a finger on you. You're safe for now. But I hate you.”

“I know that,” Emory said.

“You’re going to regret being alive.”

Felix grabbed xyr arm. “Enough.”

He couldn’t watch anymore. He took off through the trees. It was a surreal experience, running through trees that couldn’t touch him, but he didn’t have the mental space to have any sort of feelings about it.

_Jamie._

_Emory._

_Gods, I took a fire blast for you, Emory. I didn’t fucking want you to blame yourself for it._

_And Jamie, I… I’m such an idiot, I… I didn’t even… fuck._

_I didn’t think any of you would miss me._


	2. Part 2

Ethan was already tired of being a ghost.

Couldn’t be seen, couldn’t be heard, couldn’t be touched. It had only been a day or so, but he was sick of it.

He hadn’t seen Jamie storm off, only heard Felix and Emory telling the others about it.  _ Gods _ , he felt awful for Jamie. If he had known his own death would break xem like that… he still would have done it. Because then Emory’s death would have broken Felix, and, of the two, Emory was a better man than Ethan could have ever hoped to be. But of course, he blamed himself for the death, so that wasn’t good either.

Faced with an eternity of loneliness, Ethan kept following the group. 

If he hadn’t already known Felix and Emory would be a couple, he knew it now that he could see the conversations with just the two of them.

“You can’t bottle it up forever!” Emory yelled. 

Felix gritted their teeth and growled, “I can’t do this.” They stormed off, leaving Emory to himself, and Ethan followed, more because of a gut feeling than anything else.

They walked for a couple of minutes. Without warning, a figure stepped out from behind a tree, grinning smugly.

_ Jamie. _

But that didn’t look like the Jamie Ethan knew. “Felix…” Ethan said warningly, before realizing Felix couldn’t hear.  _ Damn it. _

They jerked back, but covered their surprise. “Jamie, hi,” they said warily.

“Glad to see you.” Jamie was still smiling.

“Jamie, what are you doing,” Ethan muttered.

Felix folded their arms. “Really? Because last time we saw each other you kind of punched me.”

Xe walked closer. “And I’m  _ terribly _ sorry about that.”

“The fuck is up with you?” Felix asked--again with the saying  _ exactly _ what Ethan wanted to.

“What, is something wrong?”

_ Yes, yes there is, Jamie. You’re--off. You’re not… this isn’t right. _

“Yes, the fuck? Why are you smiling like that?” 

Jamie moved closer again, shaking xyr head. “Can’t I come visit you?”

“No, see, cuz I really dislike you.”

_ I don’t have to stand here, _ Ethan realized. He ran past Jamie and gasped. Soldiers. Soldiers with Jamie? Whose soldiers? “Fuck, Jamie, what have you done?”

He must have missed the signal, because as he watched, they came out of the shadows and encircled Jamie and Felix.

“Fucking hell, Jamie, what did you do?” Felix snarled.

“Oh, nothing much,” xe said. The smile never dropped off xyr face as a guard knocked Felix out.

“Jamie, no. Jamie, don’t fucking do this,” Ethan said, coming around in front of xem. Maybe if he just yelled loud enough xe’d hear. “ _Jamie, don’t DO THIS!_ _JAMIE! Please hear me, Jamie, don’t--_ ” 

Not only did xe not hear Ethan, xe walked right through him and dropped something on the ground. The utter cold Ethan felt as Jamie went through him left him shaking.

The guards picked up Felix, and for a moment, Ethan contemplated following them. But he couldn’t help Felix as a ghost with no tangibility. Instead, he ran. 

One thing he had learned very quickly as a ghost was that going through things  _ felt. _ It felt different based on the thing--humans were the worst, the strongest feeling, but fucking trees were almost as bad. Avoiding the trees as best he could, he raced to where he had last seen Emory.

He wasn’t there. Fuck. Maybe he went to the campsite. As Ethan came within earshot of the camp, he could hear Emory’s voice, telling him he was right.

“Where did Felix go?” he was asking.

“It’s Jamie,” Ethan said. “Jamie kidnapped them.  _ Jamie kidnapped them. _ Gods, Emory, PLEASE. PLEASE HEAR ME, JAMIE KIDNAPPED THEM.”

He didn’t hear. Neither did anyone else.

_ Gods, _ he was tired of being a ghost.


End file.
